I spent all last weekend on an Oblate retreat at Turvey Abbey. I went with various things on my agenda ~ some quite obvious like meeting and spending time with some of the other Turvey Oblates and the Nuns ~ but also with some more subliminal needs. Those needs could be covered by the words Peace, Healing, Humility and Understanding.
Peace [of mind and heart] and Healing…….with Jim’s death still not a month past I’m now in a place where I need to be at peace with the fact that he has gone. I am still grieving obviously but I need to be able to move forward with that now, to take it with me into my future where yes, it will still make me sad but not in the incapacitating way it has since he died. During one of the sessions we did some lectio on Sunday’s gospel and this was the phrase that spoke to me “Remain in me, and I will remain in you.” John 15:4. This was the one thing I hung on to whilst Jim was poorly. Everything else went pear-shaped really, my offices, my worship generally, daily routine, everything. No time to do anything, no head space even if the opportunity did present itself. But, despite such poor application in my daily worship routine my relationship with God actually became better because my normal practises were replaced by an ongoing dialogue with Him ~ I really did remain in Him and I knew that He was constantly with me. In fact I was closer to God during that time than I usually am.
Humility is something that I’m always aware of and try very hard to improve on daily ~ not sure it’s working but hey I refuse to give up trying. Humility is always very difficult to explain to others I think ~ it’s a real spiritual gift and I’m not confident that I have it, even in part, but to stop trying is to be defeated, er nope I think not!! Humility is also connected to the last word which is…..
…..Understanding ~ this covers so much of the last few weeks. Understanding of suffering [illness, death and subsequent grief], of why people behave in certain ways and of my reaction to that of late [grief led or spirit led?]. I prayed about this all weekend and had just about reached the end of the retreat when Br John gave his homily on yep, you guessed it ’suffering’. The upshot was that we shouldn’t seek out suffering, that we should give the potential for suffering over to God and, in the words of Br John, ‘transcend it’. That is not all he said by any means but it spoke right into my soul. His words confirmed for me that I’m on the right track with my questions surrounding this and I really needed to hear that, it lightened my load immensely.
The Sisters were sharing with us some experiences of their monastic life and as the theme for the weekend was ‘Silence‘ one of the things they are often asked is ‘Sister, do you take a vow of silence?’ Apparently not as there is no such thing but obviously they do have times/periods/places of silence as part of their rule of daily monastic life. However, Sr Miriam expounded on this by saying that perhaps during a time of silent work or domesticity it may become obvious that the Sister they’re working alongside is troubled or upset so at that point it seems unkind to continue on in silence when a word of comfort might be more in order. So when Sr Miriam is asked if they take a vow of silence her reply [after this example is explained] is no, we take a vow of love. I thought this was the most beautiful explanation of monastic living that I’d ever heard and one that can be so easily transplanted into our daily lives.
So, I’ve returned home a new woman having been cherished and loved by the Nuns and other Oblates all weekend. On reflection I was very quiet during my stay and didn’t contribute much during discussion but there is never any pressure to perform. Often coming home from retreats or quiet days can leave me feeling shell~shocked once normal life hits, but not this time. I’m still at peace and feeling very calm. I’m newly motivated for my life once again and found myself cooking for pleasure tonight for the first time since Jim died. I feel very liberated and free both emotionally and timewise ~ God has done some serious and welcome pruning in my life [see Sunday's gospel John 15].
The picture above is one I took in the grounds at Turvey [thank you xx], the smaller gated archway on the right leads to a pretty little memorial garden for deceased Nuns and Monks and the larger arch on the left leads back to the monastery. I spent some time reflecting and thinking in the memorial garden and was then content to leave. It is a really good image to illustrate what has happened to me this weekend ~ having spent time in the garden of grief I am now moving through the bigger archway back towards life. Not my old life, as that has gone forever, but hopefully towards something as good if not better.
Pax et bonum
Hi Sharon,
So pleased that your faith is helping you on the journey of accepting your dear Jim’s death. The loss of a parent is heart-rending at any age.
One thing I’ve found helpful when shouldering my cross is that knowing and believing that God knows I can handle this and that He knows all and that I am his beloved child and that I will be okay with His grace and help.
In keeping with that, a documentary that chronicles monastic life in France will be repeated again this summer on EWTN. I think it’s during July. I thought the title might be “Into Great Silence,” but knowing my poor brain, I am probably mistaken.
I thought you blogged about the film before. I watched some of it, but not all.
With God’s richest blessings and love,
Gail
Dearest Gail xx
Yes, you are right, you do just have to rest in Him in the sure and certain knowledge that all will be okay in the end. Once you’ve reached ‘that place’ of trust/faith [which I think I did this weekend] a certain calm descends and a weight is lifted [from your shoulders to His] and all appears normal once more. How do people without a faith cope with stuff like this??
If it is ‘Into Great Silence’ that you mean then I have it on DVD and yes I did blog it here. Strangely enough we also watched a small part of it at Turvey over the weekend as part of our ’study’ on Silence. It is a truly inspirational film and, whether the viewer is religious or not, you cannot fail to be touched by it in some way.
Hope you are okay Gail?? With love to you and yours.
Sharon xx
Dearest Sharon,
Thank you for your kind post. Yes, I’m fine, and yes, the film I spoke about is “Into Great Silence.” I watched part of it, and want to watch all of in this summer.
If you would remember my oldest daughter, Nicole, who will make her Confirmation Monday. She’s chosen the name “Gianna” after Saint Gianna Beretta Molla. We’re all quite pleased.
Aww Gail ~ I shall remember Nicole on Monday and will light a candle for her during my morning office. How lovely ~ I have been looking at the history of St Gianna, she’s very inspirational and quite contemporary. A great choice for a young lady of today.
I watched ‘Into Great Silence’ on a laptop on Boxing Day last. I had been poorly with some tummy bug thing and used ear phones to listen which turned out to be a huge plus because I felt like I was actually there. The noises of the monastry and surrounding countryside were so compelling and without outside noise from here it felt almost tangible ~ it kind of sucks you in. I’d recommend that way of watching it to anyone. Do let me know what you think when you finally watch it all.
Every blessing and a squeeze for Nicole.
Sharon xx
What a lovely account of the weekend, Sharon, I’m sorry to have missed it. That arch is one of my favourite images of the Abbey, there’s something very special about it.
What you say about humility is interesting. It’s something I also struggle with a lot. But I wonder if we’re both approaching it wrongly. Perhaps your word ‘gift’ is the right one. Perhaps in struggling against pride we cling to it, and we need to relax to let humility in. Just musing…
Tess,
Do you know of any books/literature that cover humility?? I agree it could be that we’re approaching it from totally the wrong angle. I think I’ll have to take some time to properly define it from a religious perspective and then maybe it’ll become clearer. I find it difficult to define even in my own head.
/
Hope to see you at TA at some point.
Every blessing
Sharon xx
Sharon, for what it is worth, Michael Casey (a Trappist) wrote a book on Benedict’s teaching on humility. It is called Living in the Truth and it is published by Liguori. He describes it thusly:
A first approach to understanding humility is to see it as that total self-acceptance typical of untarnished humanity. Those who are humble experience no shame. They do not need lies and evasions to inflate their importance in the eyes of their associates, or to buttress their self-esteem. They have overcome the tendency to regard others as competitors or rivals, and so they work with whatever they have, and waste no time envying those who possess different qualities. The humble are equally content with both the gifts and the limitations that come from their nature or their personal history. Humility brings with it a fundamental happiness that is able to cope with external difficulties and sorrows.
I think it is a quality we can recognize and admire in others, but it devilishly difficult to form in oneself. I very much like what Tess wrote above about relaxing into it. In the meantime, I suppose, we can become connoisseurs of reality.
Barbara ~ wow, great comment. Thank you!! I shall add that Casey title to my Amazon wishlist ~ I think his name came up over the Oblate weekend too, I think he’s one of Sr Miriam’s favourites. She says that she finds his work challenges her so will definately look that up.
In the meantime I shall copy and paste your comment into a word doc to read and inwardly digest at more length later. Am considering doing a bit of a study on ‘humility’ so I think it all starts here.
with love to you Barbara
Sharon xx
Sharon ~ I feel so uplifted after reading that, so thank you.
To me, suffering is a given in this life and in some Christian circles, the attitude is to somehow ‘defeat’ it or even to obliterate it (not a realistic option for me) this leads to an endless striving or even to pretend & deny our circumstances.
To ‘transcend’ it sounds much better, recognition of what has happened yet knowing there’s a bigger picture and God has our lives in His hand.
As to humility, I need to have a think about that one ….
So glad it was a good weekend & the pic looks lovely, I love gardens & countryside
bless you Sweetheart,
A xx
Your Sister Miriam is correct. Michael Casey is nothing if he is not challenging — not so much to read, but to live up to what he proposes.
Allie ~ I’m so glad. I have asked to have the whole homily so if I get a copy of it then I’ll be sure to share it with you. It was very uplifting. Br John gives some great homilies and they always ‘get me’ in some way or another. God really does speak through him.
Thank you xx, with love
Sharon xx
I often find that retreat actually fits me for my life on return. I have more peace and calm and I am so glad you received that healing.
The suffering not to be sought but to be transended also seems a right attitude to it. Suffering is such a big subject in the Christian life.
What a wonderful post – and a tribute to the value of monasticism and retreat.
Hi there TM ~ yes, I’m not sure what it is about retreats as I don’t recall a particular moment when things all came right but I have come home feeling very healed and, as you put so well, I do feel ‘fit for my life’ once again.
Alot of prayer and God’s wonderful love and grace play no small part I suspect. Oh and the wonderful nun’s of course.
Lovely to ’see’ you. xx
Every blessing
Sharon xx