I am reading a book at the moment called “Why I am Still a Catholic” ~ essays in faith and perseverance, edited by Peter Stanford. I originally bought it because the essays are written by high profile Catholic contributors, some of whom have remained or become Catholic’s despite great opposition or personal conflict with the churchs’ beliefs and teachings. As an unlikely Catholic candidate myself I was curious so I paid a visit to Amazon and voila……unfortunately it has given rise to the following……..
Firstly, I cannot emphasise enough how much I need my faith right now. It is truly the ONLY thing that is keeping me from crumbling into a mass of grief. I am still experiencing feelings of panic, fear, sadness, anger etc. after losing Jim, and yes, I know this is all normal, but still not a nice thing to live through. When you have such a strong need for something there is inevitably a fear of losing it. I think I’ve realised that everything in this world is really rather tenuous, especially human life. However, I’ve always assumed that my faith is a forever thing in every sense of the word.
All this started with me reading one of the essays from the aforementioned book written by a Catholic lady who married a divorcee which consequently resulted in her conscience preventing her from taking part in the Eucharist at Mass as she saw this union as a fall from grace. [I must point out at this juncture that this was her choice, not something imposed on her by the church, from what I can gather her priest was actually far more liberally minded]. This got me thinking as to why it was I, a divorcee also, was welcomed into the Catholic church? I did a bit of research into this and was given this reply which made perfect sense.
“It’s not about what you or I have done, it’s not about the past. God will meet you where you are right now. If you accept our Lord Jesus Christ as your personal savior, and have Faith in Him, you are saved. It’s as simple as that. From that point on, a miracle happens, God transforms your life.
So the answer to your question, If I were divorced, can I become a catholic? You are really asking can you become a christian. Of course! Who are we to question who God has called? Can you become a catholic? Of course! For the same reason.” ……. courtesy of WikiAnswers.com
So yes, I get that, in fact Fr J said almost the very same thing at the meeting before our Confirmation. God meets us where we are and then continues His work in us with and through the Spirit until we fulfill His purpose for our lives and become the person that He intended us to be. We are a work in progress and we just have to remain open to that. It’s like the Benedictine view that conversion is a continuous progress, not a one off event.
Now we get to the nitty gritty bit. The part that threw me totally and left me in a heap on the floor metaphorically speaking. This lady married a divorcee. I live with a divorcee. I live in sin with a divorcee. Now, how can I put THAT right?? I wrote about my worries on this a while ago in this post and it’s come back to haunt me yet again. This wasn’t helped by some really kind soul giving me a ‘Hell & Damnation’ talk about adultery and living in sin. The more thought I’ve given this the more confused I’m becoming. Fr J knew my circumstances when he confirmed me and he knows that I’m not happy with things as they are and that my long term aim is to put this right in the eyes of God and the Roman Catholic church. I’m also aware that becoming a Christian or a Catholic is not a quick fix, you’re not a sinner one day and perfection personified the next. It all goes back to that work in progress thing.
However, I’m scared. I love my faith, I love Catholicism. I’ve found myself having to defend it this week as the same kind soul who gave me the ‘Hell & Damnation’ chat thought he’d slate my choice of denomination as well, calling it a CULT among other less printable things. Don’t you just love some people?? In a way that guy did me a favour because, as I spouted my defence of Catholicism, I realised just how much I love it, how beautiful it is and how quickly it has become the biggest part of who I am and how it enhances the way I express my deep love for God. Going to Mass and receiving the Eucharist is an absolute privilege and renews me beyond all expectation each time I partake of it. I cannot imagine how I would continue on without that sacrament. You don’t realise how much you love something until someone tries to spoil or undermine all that you hold dear. This has shaken the very foundation of the one thing that is keeping me going and I am holding on for grim death.
A lovely man sent me this message of hope….
“Everyone in this world commits sins that they find later (hopefully!) they wish they hadn’t. You’re certainly not alone nor unique. Take comfort in knowing many have gone before you on this and you are especially blessed with this compelling desire to be forgiven. You are in good company. The love of our Lord is so immense that through reconciliation, your sins are wiped clean and forgotten – permanently. You’re on the path to salvation.” ….courtesy of Mike
So, I am going to have to speak with Fr J or Deacon J I think, before I tie myself in emotional knots of worry. Ignorance is not bliss and I need someone who knows what they’re talking about to guide me through this and point me in the right direction so I can make it right; it’s obviously not going away anytime soon. I have not taken reconciliation yet but as Mike said, reconcilliation is probably the way forward.
I feel better for having written this down as it’s been going round and round in my head all week. I will come back and tell you what, if anything, happens when I’ve finally plucked up the courage to speak with someone.
Every blessing ~ pax
Hello, Sharon,
I stumbled upon your blog through your “Catholic” tag. I have not read all of your posts, but from what I see you seem like a beautiful woman who is sincerely seeking the Truth. What a gift that you have fallen in love with the Church!
What struck me about your post today was the frankness with which you really want to know the truth about your living situation in the eyes of the Church. I would agree with Mike that the sacrament of Reconciliation will give you the release you are seeking… forgiveness of your sins, as well as the strength you will need to “make things right”.
I am a stranger and half a world away, but be assured of my prayers and feel free to leave your email in a comment on my blog (I wouldn’t publish it) if you would like to chat about anything Catholic. My blog also has lots of reflections on grief from a Catholic perspective.
Blessings on you this Pentecost!!
Libby
Dear Libby ~ thank you for your kind words, prayers and offer of support. I will be sure to take you up on that as sometimes it all seems a bit of a minefield to one so new to the church. A Catholic guru is just what a new girl needs ;o) some days…
I’ve visited your blog and I’ve commented also.
Be assured of my prayers…… a stranger you might be but a sister in Christ nevertheless, no matter how far away faith will bridge the distance..
Every blessing
Sharon xx
Dearest Sharon,
First of all, let me assure you of my prayers as you “walk through the streets of grief.” I’ve come to the conclusion that one never stops missing the loved one, but manages to adjust or live with the pain.
Would you be interested in reading anything penned by St. John of the Cross? His spiritual insight into the dark night of the soul might prove helpful.
Also, I am a Catholic divorcee, but found a great deal of peace through the annulment process. When word came down that the annulment was granted, I felt that someone had finally listened, and that someone was the Catholic Church.
I’ve also read the book which you wrote about in your post, and I found the essays most interesting. I particularly liked the ones written by Cristina Odone-the one you referenced in the post. I also enjoyed Baroness Patricia Scotland’s and Annie Maguire’s essays. Mrs. Maguire also wrote a slim volume about her life and experience in prison and her life after her sentence
was commuted.
I am a long-time divorcee, but have never remarried — probably because, since I was married in the Church, I would make things messy for myself and, ultimately, my second marriage, if I remarried. Mind you, I have had priest-friends give me very compassionate advice. Not that I have spent the intervening years in pious celibacy. I have had my struggles. Certainly reconciliation is one of the greatest joys of our faith. Try it once and you will see. [If you want to talk off-blog, feel free.]
Dear Barbara
I was married in the Anglican church the first time which ended in divorce for myriad reasons. I then married again later in a civil ceremony ~ that relationship was violent/abusive and ended after two and a half years for the sake of my health and well being. I’m not even sure what the Catholic church recognises as a true marriage ~ do they only recognise marriage in a Catholic church?? If so then I’ve never actually been married [oh what a cop out that would be lol]. I have now been divorced since 1995 and have avoided marriage at all costs since for obvious reasons. On becoming a Christian 3 years ago my ethos on that has changed ~ how I wish I’d had all this ‘wisdom’ in my early years. This feels like the last step in putting all those past mistakes right [as much as is humanly possible]. I know that I was ‘called’ after that chaotic time and God has forgiven me for all that has gone before [or why would He call me?], I still need to make sure that the here and now is as right as it can be in His eyes.
I’ve just this second made an appointment to meet with our Deacon on Wednesday evening at 8pm. I’ll post a follow up xx
Thank you for commenting ~ there is alot of comfort to be gained from sharing this kind of thing and knowing that others face similar challenges.
with love
S xx
Dear Gail
I totally agree with you on the grief thing ~ it’s an adjustment, not a forgetting.
I would be very interested in reading anything by anyone as I’m a real literary buff so please do give me any titles you think may be beneficial ~ thank you xx.
Do read my answer to Barbara above as it also covers alot of what you’ve so kindly told me. As I said to Barbara, there’s so much comfort to be gained from sharing these things and I thank you for your courage in commenting. I’m so glad you’ve found peace through the annulment, what a blessing that must have been, a weight lifted I would imagine.
I will keep you updated.
Every blessing
Sharon xx
Marriage issues are very complicated, I think. I hope the deacon provides you some solace. Sacramental reconciliation, however, would go even further, I believe.
Annulment is life-restoring, when available. I know people who have been through the process and found it healing. I fell through some ecclesiastical cracks and could not go through the process. I will say no more here.
Dear Sharon and Barbara,
I just want to state that I was only speaking for myself regarding annulments. I found that the process enabled me to forgive my former husband, and I hope, he, in turn, also forgave me.
I think that one’s experience with the process is centered on the support one receives from one’s pastor and tribunal.
I hope I didn’t sound “preachy” or adapt a “teaching tone” when writing about this. I’m sorry if that happened.
Good luck, Sharon, with your meeting with your deacon. It sounds as if he can offer wise counsel.
All the best to you both, and God’s blessing to you,
Gail
Dear Gail ~ thought I’d write this here to allay your worries. You didn’t come across that way at all so please don’t apologise. I’m forever aware of how little I know regarding Catholicism so ALL advice and shared experiences are very helpful and, as I said before, bring comfort. Your comments are always given with compassion and love and I look forward to them. With love and I’ll keep you posted either via email on directly on here. Sharon xx
I loved that book even as a non catholic – and read the Anglican one as well which included Chritina Odene’s husband! I wish you well in finding your way forward on this one.
Thank You TeacherMum xx
I am literally just back from my meeting with Deacon J and am still letting it all sink in but suffice to say that alot of the load has been lifted and a way forward is potentially possible that will suit all parties ~ hopefully.
I didn’t realise there was an Anglican version of the book, I’ll have to search it out. The catholic one is a good read and very ‘real’ which I like.
I will probably blog about my meeting briefly when I’ve got my head around all that was said, but thanks be to God for people like Deacon J.
Every blessing and love
Sharon xx
Dear Teachermum and Sharon,
There’s also an American book by the same title. It features among others, Maria Shriver.
Glad to hear, Sharon, that your meeting went well. I thought of you today.
Love,
Gail
Thanks Gail ~ I feel an amazon moment coming on lol.
with love
S xx