Finding God in the most unexpected of places….

I feel like I’ve stayed away for ages, and I genuinely feel like I have ‘been away’ somewhere and that I’ve just got back, although in reality I’ve been right here at home all the time.  I’ve spent the last three weeks or so in a state of what I can only call ’stillness’.   I’ve been very removed from the hustle and bustle of life.  I’ve pared down all contact with the outside world and reduced my internet usage to just checking my emails once a day with no desire to write on here or visit my Facebook page.  In fact I’ve had no desire to do very much at all.  This hasn’t been a conscious decision, it just kind of crept up on me when I wasn’t looking and it wasn’t until today that I realised that I’m resurfacing again.

I recently asked God to show me something about myself as I needed some understanding and guidance on the way I behave in personal relationships, primarily between Simon and I.  I have an issue [left over from a previous abusive relationship] that revolves around self doubt and fear but it is not pretty when it shows itself and can result in some ugly and very self destructive behaviour on my part.  It’s been a regular prayer in the past but more especially of late……then came this stillness….and in that stillness I found a strength that I never realised I’d lost.  I also found clarity and self worth.  I found love and the much longed for understanding and guidance.  Acceptance.  Confidence and finally……peace!!

I’ve been practising my Lectio with a book that Liz lent me called “The Mystery of Love” by Cardinal Basil Hume.  It is broken down into small passages so lends itself beautifully to Lectio.  Today’s passage was about the ways that we can experience the presence of God in certain situations or the actions of others and that those things can often tell us something about God.  Cardinal Hume described it as: ~

“It is as if a cloud hovers between us and God.  From time to time that cloud of unknowing is pierced by a shaft of light which tells us something about God…..it may be a moment of total happiness……it may be in sorrow we experience his presence.  In ecstasies and agonies his voice is unmistakable to those prepared to listen and look……I like to think that the affection another shows to me is a special word of love from God.”

I was thinking about this [well, it was Lectio after all] and it struck me that the one thing you don’t realise when you become a Christian is that you have a direct line to God.  Everybody does, not just me!  I don’t think I ever truly appreciated it before this stillness settled upon me.  It has been like God and I have been on the ‘phone constantly for the last three weeks and just not realised the time.  That ’shaft of light’ that Cardinal Hume wrote about is my [our] link to God and it has broken through my cloud of unrest and guided me to where God needed me to be in order to answer my prayer.  These shafts of light manifest themselves in many different ways but all of them are unique and custom made for the purpose.  He’s clever this God of ours.

I was down at the lake with Si and my little boy this afternoon and once we’d fed the ducks the boys went off to play football on the grass and Fletch [my trusty old dog] and I went to find some shade under one of the many weeping willows down by the water.  As I stood in the fronds of that delicate tree I looked up through the cascading branches and it was like God’s wings hovering over me and suddenly His presence was all around.  It’s in the most unexpected places that those shafts of light [love?] find you.  You’d expect it in church or during prayer but so often that’s not the case and instead they’re somewhere most unlikely.  I recall Sr Judith saying that often times she’d pray her daily offices not always feeling particularly connected to God but then once out on her bike in the grounds of the Abbey suddenly His presence would become tangible for her.  

So, as Cardinal Hume said, these ’shafts of light’ do indeed tell us something of God.  They give us little glimpses of how much He loves us and wants us to get ‘it’ right.  How He always hears our prayers, despite the fact that we are rarely still [or patient] for long enough to hear His responses.  He took me into that soft, still place so I could hear Him better [He probably got fed up of being ignored].  So if you pray to God and ask for His help and guidance don’t forget to wait patiently in stillness for His response or to look for Him in the most unexpected of places as that is most likely where He’ll be waiting for you.