Are you living RIGHT NOW??

I’m sitting here in the quiet of the afternoon.  My working day [employed] is over as I only work until 12.15pm.  These couple of hours before I go to pick up Ethan are always a precious gift, sadly one that [I feel] I often waste.  Sometimes I fill them full of housework and domestic ‘stuff’  which, although necessary, often feels like an opportunity lost.  Sometimes I just veg out in front of the T.V. if it’s been a particularly tough morning and that leaves me feeling unfulfilled and guilty.   Other times I will spend the time with God or reading/sewing ~ that option always feels ‘right’ and worthwhile.  I know I should always take full advantage of these siesta hours as I’m never otherwise alone here.

Why is it that some of us are preconditioned to feel guilty at how we spend our ‘free’  time??  I know that I’m terrible for this.  I can’t speak for others but my internal dialogue is to ‘live every day as if it were my last’, I think that’s me showing a sneaky bit of my Benedictine side, “Keep death daily before our eyes” [RoSB 4:47].   This might seem, on the face of it, rather morbid but that’s not the way it’s meant.  On a faith level it’s to remind us that we should be ready and prepared to meet God at any time for we never know when we will be called or when Jesus may come again.  It is also good to be reminded that we are not immortal and there is no place for complacency either with our faith or attitude.  That life truly is a gift to be embraced to the full.  I’m not saying that one should be on the go 24/7, filling every waking moment with tasks and hobbies.  What I am saying is that one should consciously live IN the moment even if that is time spent in silence just ‘being’ and renewing one’s mind and spirit.  Everyone needs ‘down’ time and rest, you can’t give from an empty cup afterall.  However the times I dislike the most are those days when the afternoon has passed me by and I can’t even remember what I did or thought about [if anything]; just a two hour void of nothingness fanning out behind me.  If I’ve slept or rested because I’m poorly or tired from a disturbed night then that’s one thing but, to get to the end of my afternoon and to have fruitlessly whiled the time away leaves me with the sense of a lost opportunity, time wasted and feeling downright grumpy and irritable [with myself]. 

I absolutely appreciate that not everyone sees this the way I do.  And to some extent I envy them as I would really like to be able to enjoy doing absolutely nothing [mentally or physically] for an hour or two without feeling guilty or grumpy at the end of it.  I know my dear Mum is the same as me, she can’t just sit and do nothing, she always has to be busy with ‘something’ so maybe it’s hereditary.    So, next time you have some free time make sure you consciously enjoy it and store up a good memory to carry you through the rest of the day because that time won’t ever come round again.

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