My Faith

This is going to be quite difficult to write.  It’s such a huge subject now that I’m not exactly sure what to put but I think I’ll start by linking in to the very beginning of my old blog which tells my testimony from the day of conversion right up to the day I started this new blog over two years later.  Old Blog Link  So for those of you who’ve got a couple of hours spare and want the ‘blow by blow’ account it’s there for the reading of.  For the rest of you here’s the abridged version.

The day of my calling, Wednesday 21st June 2006, was one that has stayed fresh in my memory like it was only yesterday.  It was the most amazing experience and totally unique in my life so far.  I can still recall the myriad of emotions and the concluding sense of wonder and peace.  The years since then have been both amazing, overwhelming, exciting, and at times a little scary, but never a moment of regret.  I remember that I considered ignoring His call – we all have that choice at any time – but I was scared he’d not call me again so I decided to grab it with both hands and run with it as fast as I could.  I’m so very thankful I did.

Now I’m here on the brink of Catholicism I can see so many times when God has made it quite plain where he wanted me to rest my cross but I was just so pre-programmed against the catholic faith that I subconsciously wrote it off through fear and ignorance.  Looking back, I was actually called whilst watching a catholic programme, my mother was raised in the catholic faith, and I spent some time in a Poor Clare’s convent after my calling which had a profound effect on me.  I’m drawn to know as much as possible about the cloistered, religious life – it’s almost a fascination for me.  The majority of my favourite ‘Religious Reads’ are catholic based.  I have developed a love of Catholic style liturgy and the Eucharist.  The main things missing for me among the various other churches/denominations that I’ve visited, in my quest for a spiritual identity, were the eucharist and liturgy.  The Anglican church was the closest I could get but there was still a shortfall I still can’t quite put my finger on.  I think I crave guidance and knowledge/education within my faith and that seems difficult to come by.  The Catholic faith offers plenty of catechesis and the ever present opportunity to receive spiritual guidance on request. 

I have met so many wonderful people during my faith walk that I would otherwise not have encountered.  Rev Christopher Whiteman who guided me so gently in those first overwhelming days – I’ve recently sent him a letter of thanks and an update of my journey.  Sister Alison at St Mary’s convent who spent quite a while trying to help me make sense of it all.  She stays close in my heart at all times, forever in my prayers.  The light just shone from within her!!  No matter how short an aquaintance people always manage to give something of themselves to enrich my journey with Christ.  I hope I can do that for others in time.

Up until recently I didn’t really think that I’d changed that drastically although a couple of close friends had said on occasion that I seemed alot more at peace and ’sorted’.  I was struggling a little with my direction and purpose and praying quite a bit to that end when God sent someone into my life who gave me some perspective.  She was a friend of a friend [yes, yes, I know] who I’d never met before and [as suggested by our mutual friend] I invited her to lunch as she felt I could offer her some guidance having experienced historically alot of what she was dealing with now.  When she was here and we got talking I just had a real revelation moment.  It was like looking at myself before my conversion and I really didn’t like what I saw.  She was all over the place emotionally, a string of relationships under her belt, viewed relationships as disposable, promiscuous, didn’t seem to know what she wanted from life, no direction, no rules or morals for the things that mattered.  I don’t want to appear judgemental of her as, not so long ago that was me, but it was like God was using her to show me how far I’d actually come.  How much He’d impacted my life and how far along the Christian road I’d travelled without even realising it.  I’ve changed so much I hardly recognise myself in comparison to how I used to be.  God used her to prove to me that I am living out my purpose, I might not be quite there yet but my word I’m moving in the right direction.  As the saying goes “I’m not where I want to be but, thank God I’m not where I used to be”.  That day I realised I was now truly a child of God, and He was my loving father and He is teaching me well.  The Holy Spirit lives within me and helps me daily to move closer to His purpose for my life and I try hard every day to hear what he puts on my heart. [I couldn't help that lady by the way, she wasn't ready to listen  but hopefully in time......].

So, now you can see why there’s not one moment of regret.  What is there to regret when life now has joy and purpose in every minute?  When fear has all gone and been replaced by an all consuming love and peace.  

“The LORD is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?  The LORD is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?”  Psalm 27:1 

The one thing that I know more than anything else is that I’ve never felt alone since my calling, He has never left my side.  You can’t buy this kind of experience – it’s given by grace, through faith.  Only God can do that for you……………..all you have to do is ask Him into your life – he won’t come in uninvited……..!! 

 ”Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with them, and they with me.”  Revelation 3:20

The best is yet to come……

Update Sept ‘08

Here we are in September 2008 and I’m booked in to meet with the nuns at Turvey Abbey to discuss my desire to become a Benedictine Oblate.  Oh my word!!  How scary is that but amazing and wonderful too. 

Update Feb ‘09

My confirmation into the Catholic church is all set for Easter.  I’m so looking forward to ‘coming home’. 

Update April ‘09

My confirmation is now only 12 days away.  I have a sponsor in place, my long standing ‘pew buddy’ Liz who has suffered my ‘Missal Shuffle’ now for quite a few months.  She is a truly lovely lady and such a woman of God ~ I’m very lucky to have such a great role model for the time to come. 

My journey to Oblation has moved on a little.  We have been given some ’homework’ to focus on for the next year or so and we have the Oblates weekend to look forward to in May’09.  So a plan is in place but it’s the journey that’s important, not so much the end goal to be honest.  The journey never ends even after vows ~ as the saying goes,” it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part that counts”.