Apologies for absence are in order I feel. I’ve just not felt in the mood to blog much. Since my last two posts about my emotional and spiritual struggles I’ve been very reflective and have spent time thinking, praying and just being with God. When life gets tough I tend to scale down and keep it simple which leaves more room for discernment. It’s actually been quite refreshing to be honest. I’ve also been very poorly again ~ all connected with my last emergency visit to A&E ~ Thursday morning at 2am found me being rushed once again by ambulance to MK General this time with a massive haemorrhage. This is not the place to go into detail but suffice to say it was very scary both for me and for my family. It took three hours to get the bleeding under control by which time I thought I was looking at a hysterectomy which thankfully in the end I didn’t need. I’m left feeling very nervous though and will be back at the doctors next week.
So, Father’s Day ~ hmmmm….first one ever with no father figure in my life!! I did wonder how the day would pan out and whether or not I’d be very sad and I am sad but I think I was kind of prepared so emotions haven’t overwhelmed me too much. It is really not accurate to say that I have no father figure in my life because of course there is God and He is doing a wonderful job of filling that role for me. The image at the top of the post is what I see in my mind’s eye when I think of God’s love for me. I am enfolded in His arms and surrounded by His Spirit; that’s a wonderful place to be. He is a tangible part of my life at the moment which I’m sure is because my need is greater than usual. Mass has taken on a deeper meaning as well and all the chaos and intensity of the early part of this year is falling away to be replaced by a sense of purpose and calm.
I’ve recently looked into taking the Catholic Certificate of Religious Studies which is due to start in September but it’s quite alot of money and I just don’t have that right now so I shall review that option again next year. It looks really interesting though but maybe I do have enough on my plate with Ethan starting school in September and the house move pending. We have home educated Ethan for his pre-school years [and loved doing so] but we always said that if he ever expressed a wish to go to school then we’d make that happen. Of late he’s been very interested in other children and school in general so we feel he’s probably ready now. However, I am getting itchy to do something productive with a bit of ‘me’ time in sight……
which leads me to…..
….. some of you may remember me being offered a job at Milton Keynes General Hospital at the end of last year working on Maternity well, suffice to say that despite my CRB having been back for months I’ve heard absolutely nothing, zilch, nada, not a lot…. When Jim was ill I was grateful that they didn’t contact me but now, well over six months down the line, I’ve absolutely no idea what they’re playing at. I suspect that I’ve been lost in the admin. pile or that they’ve run out of funding and are hoping that I just don’t notice their failure to give me a starting date. My initial contact with their HR department was dodgy to say the least, I received some forms twice and others not at all which didn’t fill me with confidence. All very strange!!! I won’t be contacting them as I’ve lost the will to live with it now, the moment has passed I think!!
The house move still seems to be going ahead albeit very slowly but as we don’t want to move until the summer holidays then we’re in no rush….yet lol. Remind me I said that when September is looming large and we’re still here.
Ethan and Si have started coming to Mass with me every other week which is lovely. It’s mostly for Ethan’s benefit but how wonderful of Si to support me in that and to bring Ethan so that I can still participate fully in worship while we share the job of entertaining Ethan. The date has been set for Ethan’s baptism into the Catholic faith which is most exciting and Deacon J is going to be taking the service which, as you can imagine, I’m very happy about.
I went with my friend Liz to hear Eileen Shaughnessy from Cockfosters Healing Ministery speak a couple of weekends ago. It was really good and very inspiring. After the main talk the ladies came round to lay on hands and pray over us individually. I accepted the offer not expecting to feel much [I’m always quite reserved at events like this] but found my whole body tingling for the duration of the prayer in a most alarming way and felt quite tearful afterwards. The Ministery must have a relationship with the Vita et Pax Convent also in Cockfosters [the only other Olivetan Convent in the UK ~ if I’ve understood that right ~ and sister convent to Priory of Our Lady of Peace at Turvey] because there was mention of them and also of Turvey ~ small world.
Okay ~ update finished and I’m off to bed as it’s nearly 11pm. I always end up blogging at unearthly hours probably because the house is quiet and I’ve got space to think.
Pax et bonum xx
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been so unwell again, hope all gets sorted out soon. Good luck at the doctor’s.
It’s a strange thing about losing someone – sometimes you find that the “big days” aren’t as bad, it’s the small moments that catch you off guard. I remember seeing my father’s handwriting on something, years after he died, and the loss was fresh all over again.
Great news about Ethan, by the way.
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Tess ~ lovely to ‘hear’ from you again xx. Yes, you’re right, it’s the unexpected things that bring back the pain of grief afresh, not those ‘big days’ that you ‘arm’ yourself for.
I’m also armed with a weeks worth of medication from the doctor so here’s hoping that this works as I’m starting to get a desperate look in my eye lol.
Hope you’re still enjoying your time out and that life is being kind to you. I pop over to A & M often xx.
with love
S xx
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Dearest Sharon,
Please know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. I’m so pleased about Ethan. You must be so excited!
I lost my mother when I was 17, and as you and Tess so rightly pointed out, the usual days often stir up the emotions more than those days we think will cause us pain.
If I may, please keep in your prayers an American woman named Nancy Feist. Nancy was a wife and mother of five-expecting her sixth child in September. She died very suddenly from an embolism Friday night. Sadly, despite doctors’ best efforts, her baby also died, although I understand that the baby was baptized. This family certainly will benefit from many prayers.
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Dear Gail
Be assured of my prayers for Nancy her baby and the family that will miss her so much. God bless those little children she leaves behind, how very sad. xx
I have posted a prayer for both Nancy and her baby and a young man called Joey who was tragically killed today. Here is the link..
Garden of Gethsemane
Thank you for stopping by, your prayers are always appreciated and valued.
with love
Sharon xx
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