Ah, so there you are……

I have recently been set the task of noting the times when I feel closest to God [or alternatively the times when I can’t feel Him at all?].  This task has been at the forefront of my mind for the last couple of weeks and, as with anything that you ‘have’ to focus on, suddenly a huge blank is drawn and God appears to have packed up and left for two weeks in the Bahamas.  Great!!  I’ve been left wondering whether I’m going to have any positive ‘sightings’ to report when I have to discuss this next Tuesday ~ it was all looking a bit negative until……..

….Wednesday just gone [16th June] I had a very early [8.30am type of early ~ ouch!!] appointment at the Breast Care Clinic here in MK for an emergency mammogram.  Now, I don’t need to describe in great detail why I was there ‘cos I’m sure you all know as a largely female based readership.  Do not alarm yourselves, this was purely as a means to rule out the dreaded C before other tests/treatments can go ahead.  So, I arrive promptly and walk into a clinic full of women only to realise that I was the only one there on my lonesome.  Everyone else had their mother, daughter, partner, friend or husband with them for support.  I hadn’t been at all worried until that point but suddenly I was just a bit shaken and wondered for a moment what if?……………

I sat down and as always chose a seat where I could people watch.  I’m terrible for doing that and seem to subconsciously choose a vantage point where I can see everyone in the room if at all possible, be it a pub, restaurant or waiting room.  I gathered my thoughts and cast my gaze around the room.  I was hit by a very humbling scene ~ the room was full of faces filled with sadness, fear, anxiety, trepidation.  From those who came in support there were comforting looks of love and affection, sending quiet courage to those in need.  The silence was deafening as no one really spoke but the silent conversations were perfectly audible and oh so clear.  Suddenly I could see God everywhere ~ in that look of love, that comforting touch of one hand in another, that arm around the shoulder, in the warm smile of the nurse who called the names and in the parting kiss as the women were led away one-by-one for their respective treatments. 

Could everyone or indeed anyone see/feel God there as I did??  Or were they [understandably] blinded by their fear??  For me that fleeting moment of fear as I’d entered the clinic had brought God clearly into view and left me able to see Him making himself available to all those in need there that day.  I was instantly reminded me of this passage from this post…

“You see, our problem is that we imagine it is we who have to look for God and so we easily lose heart and give up.  In truth, it is the other way around ~ God is always looking for us.  The mystery of faith is that we pursue God only because God has first put this urge within us.  It is God who gives us the grace to seek him but all along we are being sought by God.”      Bible Alive, Lent 2010: p36

So, I have my answer I think ~ the times I’m closest to God are the times when I actively seek Him because He is always there just waiting for me to [re] turn to Him.  Yes, He is there in the quiet times and those times of perfect, unspoilt beauty such as the first snowfall or a glistening rainbow but, let’s be honest here, it’s easy to feel close to Him then when all around is just feeding your spirit with good things.  It’s in times of angst and difficulty that He tends to be less obvious.  Prayer should not be a last resort when all around is chaos, it should be our first line of defence.  I too would do very well to remember that.

Just to add that I was given the ‘all clear’ and discharged from the clinic.  I left there feeling very blessed and have prayed fervently for all those who quite obviously were not so fortunate that day.  May God be a tangible presence in all their lives.

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Please pray….

…….for my dear Mum who has been rushed to hospital with heart problems.  I’m not clear quite what’s going on yet but it appears to be quite serious.

Dear Lord please be with mum and those who are caring for her.

Bring her peace and comfort from her fear and pain.

Touch the lives of all those who suffer and worry today.

In Jesus’ name

Amen

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One year on……Jim xx

 

To you we look for mercy, Lord,
To you we lift our minds and hearts;
Your rising from the dead gives hope
As our dear brother now departs.

You gave you life for us who sinned,
You hung upon the Cross in pain,
And meekly bowing down your head
You died that we might heaven gain.

With outstretched arms you beckon us:
“In meekness and humility
Take up my yoke, ‘tis sweet and light.
Your souls will then find rest in me.”

You conquered hell and death, O Lord,
And heaven’s gates you opened wide,
Console us in our present grief,
May we at death with you abide.

Our brother’s body now does sleep
In peaceful rest, but may his soul
Through grace your Vision now enjoy,
Your wondrous majesty extol.

Amen

  

I am the resurrction; I am the life; to believe in me means life, inspite of death, and all who believe and live in me shall never die.

 

Hymn and Benedicus Antiphon taken from the Office for the Dead, Benedictine Daily Prayer

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Ethan. . . . .

This week my little lad has been diagnosed with asthma.  I think that’s quite sad really.  He’s only 4 and although there are far worse things that he could have wrong with him I’m feeling a little down at the thought of a liftetime of puffers and blowers ahead of him.  Maybe he’ll grow out of it!! 

I have had my suspicions for quite a few months that he’s heading this way and looking back over the last couple of winters I can see a distinct pattern forming.  He gets a cold for 48 hours, coughs for six weeks plus afterwards or just gets a random cough out of nowhere that gets ten times worse during exercise, when eating very cold food like ice cream or at sudden environmental temperature changes.  Apparently this is typical EIA, Exercise Induced Asthma. 

He is now the proud owner of various inhalers, spacers etc all times two, one lot for home and the other for school.  Oh and two specially named and decorated boxes to store it all in, carefully personalised with stickers by Ethan.

So my prayer this week is for all the children of the world with asthma and for all the people who care for and worry about them.  May God touch all their lives and bring them peace, comfort in their distress and healing. 

We are so very lucky in the west that asthma is not often life threatening but I’m sure that in less well developed countries it’s a very different story when you can’t just pop to the doctors for a replacement inhaler or to the local hospital for a spell on the nebuliser.  Remembering also that as Ethan is a child we don’t have to pay for all this equipment and medication.  I know for a fact that one spacer alone is £13.50 and we have two.  I hope that I never moan about our NHS without first remembering how priviledged we actually are in the UK.

The image is taken on 4th March this year which was World Book Day ~ Ethan is dressed as ‘Long John Silver’, yo ho me hearties.  All his class had to dress as a book character so this was taken before we left for school.  He had a great day!!!

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For those frantically busy days….

….further to my post about my experiences of the Divine Office on Sunday I have a great book to throw into the mix.   ‘Seasons of the Day’ by Sister Stan is a book I bought last year when I was looking for prayer books generally.  I bought it because it really filled the gap in my prayer life on those frantically busy days when praying the Divine Office for 30 minutes is just not going to happen.  With this you can just pause for a moment, take a breath and spend a minute with God.

This lovely book covers a four week cycle so you can fit it into the Psalter cycle if you should want to.  It also only takes a couple of minutes [and yes, I really do mean only a minute or two] to read each ‘Hour’/ ‘Office’.  You can obviously spend as long as you like meditating and reflecting on what you’ve read.  It covers all the Offices of the day including the ‘little hours’ so you can slot it into whichever part of the day you need to.  I use it on work days when I wake and again during my lunch hour when spare time is nonexistent but I still want to touch base with God.  There is a phrase at the end of each little Office that you can carry with you through the day. 

I’m not sure this book would be enough for me to use all the time as I like the more indepth version of my Benedictine Daily Prayer book for at least one Office a day however, there is no reason why one couldn’t use this all the time, it’s personal preference really.  It’s about quality not quantity and God loves it when we turn our eyes and heart toward Him no matter how briefly. 

Pax

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Finding Divine Joy in the Office …

Okay confession time ~ well, I am a Catholic lol :).   ***whispers*** “I haven’t prayed my Offices since I moved house which was back in November if you remember”.  Yes, I’ve prayed obviously but my Offices [Hours] and Lectio have been sadly neglected whilst life and work took over and time has ticked speedily on….

I’ve been quite poorly for the last four weeks or so with an infection [??] that just won’t shift [I’m on my third course of antibiotics in as many weeks] so I’ve relied heavily on my faith to keep me at work and to get me through the day [and to stop me being a right grumpy mare].  To be quite honest I’ve been at my wits end with discomfort and worry.  Last night something made me pick up my Benedictine Daily Prayer book, which is my book of choice to use to pray the Divine Office, and there in those words I found such beauty, comfort, warmth, familiarity and most importantly the loving arms of my Dear Lord……my soft place to fall.

Why did I stay away for so long when heaven was just a page away??  It  amazes me now how I could just blithely put aside something that gave/gives me so much joy.  This truly is a case of you never know how much you’ve missed something until you find it again. 

For me praying the Divine Office was initially something that I felt I should do and finding my way around the prayer book itself was quite a challenge when I first started.  All those ribbons, all that page flicking, sigh!!  For a while I felt I was just going through the motions.  Now, after this unintentional break, I have to admit that at some point during those months of apparently ‘going through the motions’ a love affair began that I was totally unaware of.  A love affair with the beauty and predictability of the liturgical year through [now] familiar hymns, prayers and psalms.  A feeling of safety found within those beautiful words as they tap out the gentle rhythm of the religious seasons, especially on those days when personal prayer is dry and unproductive.  It’s all written there for you in the Divine Hours, like a big safety net just waiting to catch you when you fall.

So, I’ve taken a good look at my spare time.  [“What’s spare time?”, I hear you cry!!]  I have realised that I’m not using it very well at all.  Lot’s of working, cleaning, cooking, sleeping but not alot of ‘God’ time.  I’m going to have a reshuffle and strike a better balance, in fact I started today.  It’s like revisiting an old friend ~ why did I stay away so long……..??

Image is my BDP book, rosary and bible on my prayer table at Turvey last year.

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A prayer for the people of Haiti…

…..for Gail and all those thinking and praying for the people of Haiti here is the link to my prayer blog where, as requested, I have written a few words…….

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Hallowed be Thy Name…

My friend Nicholas sent me this in response to my last post ‘Thy will be done’

Father,
I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you
with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,
without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

Blessed Charles de Foucald 

It says all I wanted to say but so much better.  Thank you Nicholas xx.  The image above is of Blessed Charles de Foucald.

Pax ~ Sharon xx

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Thy will be done…….

At this end of this long, religiously ‘dry’ summer I am left feeling unworthy.  Unworthy and very unfulfilled.  As the day that Ethan starts school approaches I am starting to look to the future and there, shining back at me in the distance is a tiny chink of light.  That light is being sent to me by God because He and He alone knows what little seeds of discontent and unfulfillment nestle in my heart.  Somewhere in that light Hope springs eternal; hope for a new kind of life, a life that is not totally focussed on being at home, a life that allows Sharon the opportunity to be herself rather than someone’s mother, lover, daughter, friend, nurse, cook, banker, taxi………..ad infinitum….   

As I look back into the past I can see a candle burning brightly ~ it is a beautiful candle placed there by God to guide my way.  It flickered brightly to help me choose the right path when I found I was expecting Ethan.  It glowed with a deep comforting warmth when I mourned the loss of the freedom I’d waited so long for.  It positively sparkled when Ethan was born and burned brighter still when I chose not to go back to the nursing career I’d waited a lifetime for.

I stand here now between the candle that burns with a warm love and the tiny light that beckons.  I know that if I go back the candle will always be there to comfort and guide me.  I also know that if I go forward the chink of ‘Hope’ will grow bigger until it becomes something fulfilling, dazzling and new.  I find myself looking with excitement towards that pinprick of opportunity.  Is it really my time again??  Did I do good??  I’ve waited so patiently all these years for this time to come again I can scarcely believe it’s within my grasp once more. 

So, although I am feeling rather unfulfilled at this moment, God has shown me that my future still holds hope and my past was full of gifts beyond measure.  I am so unworthy of His love and guidance but ever thankful that even though I can’t always understand His choices for me I can rest in the comfort of His warm and loving light until the way ahead becomes clear once again.

One of the reasons that the Our Father has become one of my favourite prayers is because when the Brothers and Sisters at Turvey pray it they stretch out their arms and turn their palms heavenwards.  The first time I saw it prayed this way it took on a whole new meaning and became a way to praise God, sending skywards our worship, love and hope as well as a beautiful prayer asking for guidance, forgiveness and deliverance.  I am moved to tears of joy everytime I pray it……….

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

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Prayer!!

  

 

I saw on a forum that someone was looking for words of wisdom to impart to new christians on how to pray.  Wow, what a huge subject I thought ~ it should be simple of the face of it but fundamentally it really isn’t.  Suddenly though the words below came into my heart……

   

Prayer is unique to each individual.

It’s that hurried word on waking or a constant all day dialogue.

It’s half an hour of liturgical trawling through the breviary.

It’s that conversation with the ‘no one’ beside you at the table or in the car
~ it’s our faith makes that ‘no one’ a someone!!

It’s just a thought ‘thrown’ God’s way.

It’s a heartfelt plea on the back of despair or a word of joyful thanks in a beautiful moment.

Prayer does not have to be words, it can just be silence.
It’s a two way street and that silence can be filled with listening.

Most of all prayer, in whatever form, is an act of fidelity to God.

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