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S xx

One single act…

It only takes one single act of kindness to change the whole world. 

“He who saves one life saves the entire world.”

Who knows how many lives you could touch or change for the better  just by doing one kind deed for someone else??!!

Go on, try it!!

 

[Quote from the Talmud]

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

There are times when you think that you’re justified in what you feel, say or do ~ justified enough to warrant anger born of frustration after years of ‘biting it back’ and ‘letting it wash over you’.  However, today was one of those days when I finally [but politely] gave vent to alot of pent-up feelings of unfairness and frustration.  Do I feel any better?  Nope, I do not.  Do I feel I was justified?  Possibly, but it still didn’t feel like my finest hour.  Did it do any good?  Most unlikely as the person it was aimed at just said I was obviously under alot of stress in my life and that must be why I was so frustrated [aaarrrggghhh] ~ she totally missed [or refused to acknowledge or own] the fact that she was the cause of my frustration today.

So, how can I change this around and make it something positive rather than something destructive and painful?  I found the answer in Luke….

But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-28 NIV

I’ve had a good scream into the airing cupboard and now I am praying.  I will keep the lines of communication open; I will try to find a way to bless this person and I will practice unconditional forgiveness……..I am giving it up to God and most of all I am trying to replace frustration with love…….

Relieve the anguish of my heart and set me free from my distress. Psalm 24[25]:17

Amen to that xx

An easy decision…

I knew two things for certain when I awoke this morning; firstly that it wasn’t time to get up [how do we know that without even looking at the clock?] and secondly that someone had obviously replaced my throat with a sheet of sandpaper. Swallowing had become a serious challenge overnight….

I hit the back-light on my bedside clock which instantly produced a beam of light that would not look out of place in a Gestapo interrogation room and sent Simon groaning in hasty retreat under the duvet…  As I squinted at the clock it told me it was a nice, tidy 5:00am precisely, a whole hour until alarm time.  I knew it..!!

As I lay there trying to work out how ill I actually felt the realisation hit me that the awful [guilt ridden] decision had to be made whether or not to go into work today but, on the back of what has been a truly rubbish week workwise tempered with a rather depressing and negative Parent/Teacher interview on Wednesday evening, the decision was easily reached.  I’m not one for pulling a sickie without good cause but I have to be totally honest and confess that never has a viral infection been quite so welcome ~ no heroic struggling in to work for me today.

Ethan is now safely delivered to school and I am back in my cosy little house. Yes, I do still have to take Ethan in which feels so wrong professionally given that I’m off sick but, unless I’m bed-bound, I can’t justify asking Si to take him because he should leave for work at 8:00am so it would make him very late.

The kettle has boiled and I’m about to [between sneezes and snuffles ] put a lovely brew in the pot and pop a couple of slices of wholemeal bread in the toaster.  Proper comfort food for the proper poorly person . Then it’s going to be a sofa day with some hand sewing thrown in.   I’m still producing hexies hand-over-fist and I love watching my stash of colourful, fabric discs growing and becoming something quite wonderful with just a few stitches and a bit of imagination.

Is it me or is it suddenly very chilly and wintry??  I am seriously considering popping the heating on as any more jumpers and I’ll resemble the Michelin Man.

Pax

Are you living RIGHT NOW??

I’m sitting here in the quiet of the afternoon.  My working day [employed] is over as I only work until 12.15pm.  These couple of hours before I go to pick up Ethan are always a precious gift, sadly one that [I feel] I often waste.  Sometimes I fill them full of housework and domestic ‘stuff’  which, although necessary, often feels like an opportunity lost.  Sometimes I just veg out in front of the T.V. if it’s been a particularly tough morning and that leaves me feeling unfulfilled and guilty.   Other times I will spend the time with God or reading/sewing ~ that option always feels ‘right’ and worthwhile.  I know I should always take full advantage of these siesta hours as I’m never otherwise alone here.

Why is it that some of us are preconditioned to feel guilty at how we spend our ‘free’  time??  I know that I’m terrible for this.  I can’t speak for others but my internal dialogue is to ‘live every day as if it were my last’, I think that’s me showing a sneaky bit of my Benedictine side, “Keep death daily before our eyes” [RoSB 4:47].   This might seem, on the face of it, rather morbid but that’s not the way it’s meant.  On a faith level it’s to remind us that we should be ready and prepared to meet God at any time for we never know when we will be called or when Jesus may come again.  It is also good to be reminded that we are not immortal and there is no place for complacency either with our faith or attitude.  That life truly is a gift to be embraced to the full.  I’m not saying that one should be on the go 24/7, filling every waking moment with tasks and hobbies.  What I am saying is that one should consciously live IN the moment even if that is time spent in silence just ‘being’ and renewing one’s mind and spirit.  Everyone needs ‘down’ time and rest, you can’t give from an empty cup afterall.  However the times I dislike the most are those days when the afternoon has passed me by and I can’t even remember what I did or thought about [if anything]; just a two hour void of nothingness fanning out behind me.  If I’ve slept or rested because I’m poorly or tired from a disturbed night then that’s one thing but, to get to the end of my afternoon and to have fruitlessly whiled the time away leaves me with the sense of a lost opportunity, time wasted and feeling downright grumpy and irritable [with myself]. 

I absolutely appreciate that not everyone sees this the way I do.  And to some extent I envy them as I would really like to be able to enjoy doing absolutely nothing [mentally or physically] for an hour or two without feeling guilty or grumpy at the end of it.  I know my dear Mum is the same as me, she can’t just sit and do nothing, she always has to be busy with ‘something’ so maybe it’s hereditary.    So, next time you have some free time make sure you consciously enjoy it and store up a good memory to carry you through the rest of the day because that time won’t ever come round again.

Fruit toast and coffee…..

……sat here with fruit toast and a steaming cup of Parisienne coffee…..my daily religious reads in front of me, silence all around ~ simple pleasures.  Thoughts turn to this day ten years ago  ~ 9/11 ~ how many survivors, friends and relatives directly involved in or affected by that awful day are sat now with peace in their hearts on this tenth anniversary?  Are they sipping a coffee?  Enjoying their favourite Sunday breakfast treat?  Are they enjoying anything at all today?  Maybe they’re enjoying these things in spite of their loss or suffering?  An act of courageous defiance, a way to honour those lost and not give a grain of victory to the perpetrators of that unbelievable act. 

So as I sit here I find my thoughts joining with theirs.  I lift them all up in prayer ~ those gone, those still here.  May they feel our concern in their hearts, may they know that the whole world was with them that day and is with them still….may the peace of God be with them all…..

Back to normality, whatever THAT is…

So, we’re back at work and school now after a rather wonderful six weeks off.  Despite being back to the grind Si and I are still riding high on the ‘feel good factor’ of being newly weds.  I never thought it would really change anything but I do in fact feel different.  More settled somehow, like the future is sorted and I’m sure of my direction.  It’s a nice, warm, cosy feeling and long may it last.  We’re stupidly in love and still grin inanely at each other  when any mention is made of  ‘marriage’, ‘wedding’, ‘wife’, ‘husband’ etc.  You get the picture I’m sure .

Work feels more settled this year too.  Having done nearly two years at the school altogether, and one of those in a set placement I am entering this year feeling like I might actually know what I’m doing now ~ not sure my colleagues would agree however . 

The children have moved on a year too with Ethan entering Year 2 [third year in primary] and Millie having finished [and passed] her ‘A’ levels.  On leaving school she immediately secured a modern apprenticeship at a day nursery here in MK where she will eventually become a fully qualified nursery nurse.  She’s already nearly three months into the job and is loving it.

I’m reading a couple of books at the moment  ‘Nella Last’s War’  being one.  It’s the first of a trilogy and it’s a work of non-fiction [autobiographical type] written by Nella herself.  She wrote diaries during WWII for the Mass Observation Board who asked for people to submit in writing their thoughts and feelings on everyday life in Britain.  These books are a compilation of those very diaries.  The MOB started this in 1937 and continue to this very day.  Nella’s diaries begin in 1939 and continue on until her death in 1968.  I’m loving these books [as I did the film based on diaries  'Housewife, 49', although in my humble opinion the books are better] and I’m enjoying getting to know Nella and her life.

I’m also reading ‘Mere Christianity‘ by C.S.Lewis which I’m sure needs very little introduction or description from me.  I’ve been meaning to read it for years but have just never got round to it.  If it inspires me to write something then I’ll share it here.  I’m only on chapter 4 so too early to put pen to paper really.

My faith is ticking over nicely, still very comfy in my Catholic ‘shoes‘.  I’m not sure my ‘shoes‘ are in vogue compared to most other catholics but hey, they’re mine and I’m comfortable in them and no one seems to be laughing or mocking my rather eclectic taste in religious fashion.   I’m back to Mass on a weekly basis and I’m enjoying the simplicity of actually living my faith rather than just reading or writing about it.  Afterall, no good talking the talk if you can’t walk the walk.  I realised a few weeks ago that I was doing alot of what I call academic faith ~ studying, reading, writing about it and not so much of the practical faith ie actually doing and living it.

At the end of the summer I met, for the very first time, my friend Allie.  We have known and conversed with each other via cyber space  for years and we share a faith and a love of God as well as a deep friendship.  I drove to Allie’s house and we had the best of days just spending time together.  We also took a quick visit to Douai Abbey which has the most wonderful atmosphere and is so light inside. We have also become Prayer Partners as we found that we were sharing causes needing prayer anyway so we’ve put it on a official footing now and try keep up-to-date regularly.  It was a lovely end to a fabulous summer and I’m already looking forward to the next time.

More hidden treasures….

….whilst the ‘boys’ were off swimming today I decided to take myself off for a cycle ride.  I’ve felt particularly ‘unfit’ having so much down time ~ six weeks off work is lovely don’t get me wrong but one does tend to become a little sedentary, so a good work-out was just what I needed today. 

I decided to head off towards Willen and ended up at the Peace Pagoda and Japanese Buddist Temple ~ both are equally lovely and definately hidden treasures in this huge city of roundabouts.  The fine mist of rain that fell as I walked around with my bike just enhanced the tranquility that is heavy in the atmosphere there.

I’ve found a couple of pictures of both as I forgot to take any photo’s of my own despite having got my phone in my panier……

For your delight…

Peace Pagoda ~ Willen, Milton Keynes.

..and again from a slightly closer perspective..

Japanese Buddist Temple ~ Willen, Milton Keynes

To be fair this shot of the temple doesn’t really do it justice but it gives you an idea.  It’s far more beautiful than is shown here and you can’t really get a feel of it’s character.  It’s just a couple of hundred yards from the Peace Pagoda.

Wedding….

….Today Simon and I got married!!  It’s quite difficult to follow that statement with anything sensible except maybe ‘Woooooo hoooooo’ or ‘Yayyyyyyy’ or even ‘Whooop whoooop’ and a bit of a silly dance that makes anyone under the age of 21 cringe with embarrassment .  It has been a lovely day.  Very simple and understated but just wonderful and full of love and good wishes from friends and colleagues…

I went to Mass very early yesterday and finally took my first confession [better late than never I hear you cry].  It was a very emotional but positive discussion filled with tender guidance and genuine care and compassion from Fr James.   I very much needed to bring God into this union as much as I could and Fr James made that very possible and gave me some valuable and healing words and blessed me beyond measure.  

So, some photo’s I think don’t you??  I’ll let them speak for themselves…..enjoy!!  xx

For Nick mainly…

Below are some photo’s of our cycle trip of last Sunday to test drive Ethan’s new WeeRide trailer-bike.  I think the photo’s show a very different and beautiful side of Milton Keynes that many people don’t realise is there.  I wish I’d taken more shots as there are far lovelier parts of the canal than the one’s shown here but maybe next time……..I was busy trying not to fall in most of the time as my sense of balance is pretty rubbish lol….

Bradwell Windmill ~ we had our picnic here!!

Si and Ethan maiden voyage testing the new WeeRide

There they go!!!

Ship ahoy!!!

No idea who this is but she appears to be hauling all the luggage!!

Still here….

…just to say that I’ve been awol of late due to some day surgery that in itself was positive [ie nothing sinister found] but has left me struggling to recover from the general anaesthetic.  I always seem to suffer from poor concentration and memory after a ‘general’ and this time, to add insult to injury, my eyesight has been affected too leaving me totally reliant on my glasses where previously I could, at a stretch, get away without them some of the time.  I’m just lazy where wearing my glasses is concerned so I’ve only myself to blame really.

However, here I am back in the fight with potentially more surgery to remove some major internal scar tissue and a kidney scan looming but I’m not fazed by either prospect. 

I haven’t been able to sew since the op for all the reasons I’ve written above but have been doing some crochet which doesn’t need the same level of concentration nor is it so hard on the eyes…..

Bread wise I’m still baking with huge success and given the massive increase in my food bill in the last two months or so I have a feeling that bread baking is going to become a regular feature of my daily routine.  What is happening with food prices??  Where once I could easily stay within my £70 per week budget I’m now struggling to keep the bill to less than £100 .  I don’t buy booze, brand names or indulge in every make of cleaning product known to man.  I also tend to cook my meals from scratch 90% of the time so, it must be prices going up rather than me losing the ability to budget.  I know from talking to friends and family that they too have noticed the dramatic rise in food prices which I suppose is a comfort but it’s scary all the same.

My daughter [18] has just finished her A levels [last Monday] and the day after [Tuesday] started a new job which has felt very strange from a parental point of view.  She is working as an apprentice nursery nurse at a local daycare facility which carries huge potential for further study at NVQ level and promotion in the years ahead should she decide to keep to this path.

Faith ~ I’m still wading through the minefield that has been my faith-walk since Lent.  I’m still struggling if I’m honest but simplification is definately the key to success in the first instance and as I open myself up to God’s guidance different things keep coming through that speak directly into my situation and have been a positive influence.  I also notice that I’m not alone in this struggle to maintain a relationship with God.  It’s not that my faith per se is lost, more that I have lost direction.  I’m sure God never meant it to be this difficult…….

Today’s photo is of some pretty purple violas.  I have a huge tub of these by my back door and when I come home their little faces welcome me back at me as I walk down my garden path.  They always make me smile…..